The Hartley Hooligans: Traditions

One year when I was a kid, our family was given a festive turkey gift. I cannot remember if it was a fruitcake or those fire-starter block thingies or those little tiny hay bales in the shape of a turkey body, but attached to this fake turkey body on the front was a red, felt turkey head with those little googly eyes that moved when you shook it. It was quite the kitschy gift, and whenever the hind-end of the turkey was used up, I remember my Mom felt really bad about just tossing the turkey head in the trash. It was kind of endearing...we'd all grown to enjoy his cute little expression! So, she saved it. Yep, just the HEAD. HA! And every year after that, we'd hide the turkey head in random locations around the house for the rest of the family to find because after all, you couldn't just lay this weak, limp, flat turkey head out on the counter as a "decoration!"

Hide-The-Turkey-Head was a hilarious game mostly because many of the places we'd hide Mr. Turkey were places a normal turkey could NEVER fit. The space was too small, or it was impossible for him to maneuver his way into that locale, but that was half the fun! This ~~F'ed up~~ AWESOME tradition continued over the years, and when I moved out & got married, my Mom said, "Gwen, you need your OWN turkey head to hide. It's tradition!" So, she bought some red felt & crafted up one of her own original designs.

Now, Mr. Turkey Head #2 was less beautiful in many ways... apparently no googly eyes were available the day of construction, so huge, black, knobby buttons were used instead. In addition, he had a very long neck. This combo made our gobbler seem more awkward and simple, not to mention quite a bit DORKIER than the previous one. But you didn't hear any complaints from Scott & I, because now we had our OWN turkey to hide, and "dorky" suited us well. Meet Turkey #1 and Turkey #2!

Turkey #1 -- on left, Impostor Turkey #2 -- on right

A few years later, Mom decided to pare down her holiday decor, and guess who was offered the OT (Original Turkey)??? Yep, you got it! We doubled our pleasure indeed that day. And we've had a riot every November since, as we have our own little friendly ~~competition~~ version of "Where's Waldo" goin' down in The Hooligan Household. It's great fun to see who can come up with the funniest hiding place! I present to you a sampling of Turkey Time 2011, in no particular order. ENJOY!

Sneaky little ~~bastard~~ bird

Cal paid the price early the next morning trying to put this shoe on... I had that thing
jammed clear down into the toe of his shoe! Good times! :)

Due to the fact that Mr. Turkey is lacking arms, legs, and basically an entire torso, some might say he is slightly disabled... or "disabird," in fowl terms. Here he is during his rationed time in the Special Tomato chair!

Confused and bewildered by the predator in *his* dog bed, Romeo prepares for annihilation.

You probably didn't know that in blind studies, red felt turkeys beat out Brawny 10 to 1 in absorption. It's a proven fact.

In Cal's pillow, ready to attack. HA! You should've heard Cal's rant after he discovered this pesky pecker attempting to interrupt his serene night's sleep!

Turd-key

Vincent Van Goghbbler

Rare, imported Dolce & Gabblana purse

What a crock!!!!! HELP!!!!!!

I am half-ashamed and half-proud of this hiding spot, as our phallic friend could've had a better placement than mid-crotchal region in this uncomfortable shot! Oops! My original idea was very "Who's that Spartan in my teepee?" "It's me! It's me!" (skip to 2:48 mark for this classic line!) a la Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri in Saturday Night Live. Epic. Fail. HA!

The designer "Red Head" line of "Red Wing" boots, modeled by our dear friend...

...making a break for it, ironically from our Charbroil RED grill. HA!

"Spirit Vase" by Vernon Brejcha, one of Scott's glassblowing buddies.
I'm sure he'd be pleased to see this ol' baldy classin' up his work!

Completely oblivious to the trickery going on??? OR... paralyzed by fear of the unknown offender in her sock?!
We may NEVER know... but hope that tryptophan kicks in soon. HA!

Romeo calls "BS!" as he patiently waits his turn to go out the doggie door. HA!

Turd-key returns! This is a real shitty deal here... may need to Lysol this bad boy down after this stint.

Is that Michael Felts peering out of your swimming pool? Why YES. Yes, it is.

This is a re-creation of a scene circa 1994 at my parents' house late one evening as they were getting ready for bed. My Mom had left her bedroom briefly, Scott & I snuck in, tucked in our good friend, put Mom's glasses on him, and propped up a book somehow for him to read. Her cackles were heard several rooms away when she returned to a very similar sight that night!!!