Monday, January 09, 2017

I'm at it again...

You're welcome in advance for not sharing every single one of my completely-fucked-up-to-the-point-you-would-be-concerned-for-my-actual-health-and-well-being dreams with you on a daily basis.  I'm not joking when I say that Scott has expressed genuine concern about me at least once in the last week and too many times over the course of our marriage to even count, after hearing what my dreams entail upon waking.  Usually they're just WEIRD, sometimes quite telling about where I am emotionally, but usually they are just worthy of eye rolls upon eye rolls.  For your sake, I won't go into details about my blindfolded, not-so-soft-core, sexy dream from last week which felt very much like a cross between Dexter and 50 Shades, but I will share with you the dream I had last night which definitely got me thinking...

During this dream, I was walking behind many of my family members.  It was almost like an out of body experience.  It was as if I was in another realm, watching life unfold while observing from behind.  It felt like I was seeing our lives from the outside in vs. the inside out.  It was dark outside, and light snow was falling.  Everyone was dressed warmly.  I looked at & studied each person as they interacted with one another, smiling, laughing, enjoying the winter night out.  Everyone was happy and acting silly.  It was then that I noticed Lola... she wasn't being carried, she was walking while holding the hand of a family member. She was the exact size she is now, but she was walking. She wasn't walking "normally;" she was sort of stiff-legged, almost prancing lightly over the ground. Her hair was braided in a Heidi braid over the top of her head.  I instantly knew it was her.  I could recognize that darling little head and those cute little ears from a mile away. Claire was not in the dream. My whole focus was solely on Lola, and I could not take my eyes off of her and the fact that she was mobile. It was both touching and fascinating, all at the same time. To see her upright and moving, to see our family member bending down SO LOW to grab her tiny little hand for support, to see her feel so free... it was incredible.



But I didn't feel sad or teary in the dream as I usually would have.  Instead, I was joyful and ecstatic. It was then in my dream that I saw her fall forward... and the family member kept a tight grasp on her hand, and she was able to regain her footing.  It felt so amazing to see her this way, so unencumbered by her own body. So different than she is in her usual daily life.

I need a live-in dream interpreter STAT!  Singlehandedly, I would keep him/her in business!  I wish I could make sense of this dream -- or maybe the real lesson here is that I don't need to make sense of it at all.

A year or so ago, I dreamt the same thing about Lola.  It was such a different feel, almost as if it is ME who is growing, changing, and evolving now. That makes me so happy.  And just as I typed this, I saw 11:11 on my computer clock. No mistakes... I am right where I need to be.
xo
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