I think you all probably know by now that when I'm absent around these parts for long periods of time that most likely the reasoning behind it involves LOLA + SHIT + A FAN. I hate hate HATE saying that "out loud" because I'm a firm believer that whatever I release to the universe through my thoughts and words ALLOWS it to happen... you know, that whole "Our lives are what our thoughts create" adage? Yep. And I don't want to imply that all our problems stem from Lola & all her "issues." Nor do I want you to think that me bitching about all that is "wrong" means I'm not soooooo grateful that I was literally entrusted with living angels on earth because they are my WORLD, along with Scott & Cal. I LOVE MY LIFE!!! I hope & pray you all know that my family is my EVERYTHING & that is quite possibly the biggest understatement I've EVER made.
But it's been hard. And trying. And emotionally difficult. And physically draining. And the reason it's been hard is because sleep deprivation is a dirty little whore. I am weary.
I've written about this before too many times to count & I don't want to beat a dead horse here, but suffice it to say, I feel like I am literally half-assing nearly every area of my life due to this inability of my daughter to sleep at night. I am trying so hard to be strong, to be grateful for the few nights of overnight nursing I have per week, & to be chipper during the day, but it's been difficult. I am unsure how to function some days on 30 minutes of sleep a night. I feel old. I feel the toll this is taking on my body. I have gray hairs! My eyes have wrinkles & look puffy. Don't even get me started on these damn thighs/booty/saddlebags (the only thing on the planet I'm NOT half-assing! Haha!). I think I maxed out my cortisol levels like 3 years ago. If I find time to eat twice daily, it's a Christmas miracle. It's been a good decade or more since I cheerfully hopped out of bed ready to take on the day. And you know what? I can live with ALL THAT SHIT because I love my daughter so fiercely. But I want to fix this for her, & a little bit (selfishly) for me.
I am back to researching things like a mofo, scouring the internet for sleep remedies/solutions, & searching for that one thing I hope I'm just missing that could solve this for my daughter. Hell, 3 days ago, I impulse bought an essential oil off of Amazon for like $43 which supposedly helps with "Peace & Calming." I didn't even bat an eye at spending this kind of money for a 0.5 oz. bottle. ADD TO FUCKING CART. Seriously. I gotta help my girl!!! We are back to doing our regular craniosacral appointments after a month "break" due to our insanely crazy schedule with too many basketball games a week to count (GO SHOCKERS!!! 34-0!!!!!), which I LOVE!
|Craniosacral with Daddy & Karen|
I have been playing meditation music before bed, getting the dwarves into their badass therapy tub, & doing lavender baths. Mrs. Pocket is hittin' the magnesium, getting acupressure stimulation on points which help facilitate sleep, & last night she even got a vibrating back massage on her tight muscles associated with her kyphosis. We've also tried foot rubs with magnesium gel & the new snake oil (AKA "Peace & Calming" -- just wondering if I can ingest this shit?!?! 0.5 oz. may not be enough to zen my tired ass out though, dammit...), low lighting, bright lighting, no light, TV on, TV off, noise in the room, quiet in the room, singing, humming, motion, walking, swinging, bouncing, patting-till-my-arm-goes-numb, sitting up, laying on both sides, laying flat on her back, laying on her back with head elevated, laying on her tummy (don't judge, I'd have positioned her directly on her 4th metatarsophalangeal articulation for 27.6 sec out of every minute for 24 straight hours if that would remedy this insomnia clusterf*ck every. single. night. You have NOOOOOO idea!!! LOL), sleeping in the living room, sleeping in the bedroom, fan on, fan off, bath before bed, no bath before bed, meal right before bed, meal 1 hour before bed, meal 2 hours before bed, going to bed early, going to bed late, feeding homemade organic baby food, formula, bone broth, coconut water, filtered water,
scotch & water (kidding, though others have suggested whiskey, but I cannot bear to liquor up my 9 lb. child...), organic baby food packets, Sleepytime Tea, melatonin, tart cherry juice, tryptophan, Rescue Remedy, B6, chiropractic visits, homeopathics, voodoo spells, prayers, begging, bribery, trickery, fuckery, consults with a medical medium, consults with higher powers, consults with every possible person I know & don't know on the planet, and more, to no avail. This chick o' mine is either a vampire or NOCTURNAL, yo. So, aside from up & moving to Australia or buying her some tiny, fake fangs, I'm at a little bit of a loss...
|We'll get back here... soon, love.|
I won't give up. I promise, baby girl.