Monday, March 14, 2011

It's ON like Donkey Kong.

We ALL know that date nights are vital to a strong marriage.  Similarly, date nights WITH YOUR CHILD are definitely worthwhile, too.  It's an interesting situation we have with our three children, two of whom are "profoundly affected" (...so the doctors tell us.  We just see two incredible individuals who still accomplish SO MUCH).  We are more than aware that our typical son, Cal (now 12), has not had a "typical" sibling relationship.  He has never once complained about this fact, though sometimes he wishes they could interact with him more (i.e., roughhousing, wrestling, playing sports outside, etc.).  All this being said, his close friends & basketball teammates have become the brothers Cal never had, while his sisters will always be his HEART.  He is the FINEST big brother I have ever known or could wish for.  He sees the worth in his sisters' lives, celebrates their teensy (almost non-existent) milestones, and he is prouder than proud to be their big brother.  From time-to-time, we try to have a date night with him -- just us 3 -- where we can remind him of how honored we are to be his parents.

Date night with Cal went down last week at Northrock Lanes.  Lane #43.  Bringin' it old school at the location of Scott's & my first date back in November of 1991.  The stakes were high, baby.
The boys & their balls... HAHAHAHHAHAH!  Sorry, that was HIGHLY inappropriate.  I couldn't help myself though!  They put it up on a tee for me!  (pin?!)
Everyone knows Scott is notorious for destroying us both in bowling, and tonight was no exception...
Preparing to "throw down."  His smile is scaring me...

Attempting the conversion, Scott unleashes the powerhouse, only to end in a "field goal."  Yep, right between the "maples," boys.  Can you say CHOKE?!??!  HA!

Yours truly... a real hot mess of a bowler.  :)  My *ONLY* strategy is to keep the ball out of the gutter, and tonight, I was on fi-yahhhhhh!  Must be the new specs!
Cal ~ appearing innocent, but plotting evil along with his Dad.  His primary goal all 4 games was to BEAT ME.  WTH!?!?   That is SO not hard to do!  AIM HIGH(er)! 
Interesting technique... did he actually throw the ball from the back between his legs?!?!  Ummm, no, but that ball's a real creeper.  Despite his unconventional ways, the kid can still get the job DONE!
As mentioned earlier, I have a snowball's chance in hell of ever actually WINNING a game.  Seriously, if I score over 50, I feel like I need to get in touch with the dang PBA, I'm feelin' it so much!  So imagine my delight when it was the final set, I'm losing to Cal (of all people!) by 5, and I'm 1 point (pin?!) ahead of Scott!!!!  I'm giddy with excitement!  I can literally feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins!  Cal's up first in the 10th frame, and the boy rolls a blowout.  For all you non-bowlers, this means he knocks down all but one pin.  (I like to pretend I know my shit about bowling, but really I just had some fun stealing terminology from this gem of a site!)  I'm terrified now, as I know my chances of reacting in a clutch situation are virtually slim-to-none, so I've all but thrown in my Wrist Master on this bad boy.  Second & final attempt for Cal... RIGHT IN THE MOAT!  He caps off that performance with this classic comment from Paul Blart, Mall Cop:  "I just scored a 95, so you can eat me!!!!!!!"  Ummmm, NOOOOOO.  Discipline inflicted. LOL  Reminder from the 12-year-old it was from a PG movie WE let him see.  Discussion about "Eat me" being a phrase he is going to need to wait until AT LEAST age 25 to use.  HA!  Still, our hooligan finishes with (in my opinion) one helluva score of 95.  Well done, Cali!  I'm up next.  And considering I'm sittin' at 81 & nursing a serious callous on my right thumb by this point, I realize it's likely totally OVER for me.

I step up, try to focus, toss (no really, I kind of DO toss it... it's hideous) a powder puff, and hope for the best.  9 PINS, SUCKAAAAAAAS!!!!!!!!  Santa came early!  HA!  OMG!  I'm now at 90, just 5 behind Cal.  According to Scott, the ONLY chance I have to "win it" (what?  Seriously?  *I* could win?!??!  OMG!?!?  Did Scott sandbag?!  What is going ON here?!??!) is to pick up the spare.  I quickly remember that means to "knock down the remaining pin" while reminding myself my track record all four games of "picking up the spare" was not too whippy.  I resign myself to the fact I may lose by 5 pins to my 12 year old. 

I zero in on where I want the ball to go, wind 'er up, and send that apple a flyin'!  It's heading STRAIGHT FOR THE REMAINING PIN!  How is that possible?!??!  What?  OMG?!?!?  KTFO!  Wait, that's boxing... SPARE!!!!!!!!!!  OMG!  I DID IT!  (and how?!??!)

I had one remaining ball, and I was determined to blow the rack.  (strike, yo!)  I'm goin' all the way!  Sadly (big surprise there!), I only managed to topple 7 pins with that honey, but I scored............ wait for it................a 98!!!!!!!!!!  SUCK ON THAT, CAL!  HA!

So, Scott is up for his final frame.  He is sittin' at 80.  NO WAY IN HELL he can get more than 18 points (again, pins?!) to beat me!  OMG!  This will mark the FIRST bowling game I've ever won in my ENTIRE FREAKIN' LIFE, and I'm what, 29?!  :)  This be-yotch is MINE.  And I am ready & willing to bench jockey Scott till the cows come home to earn it, too.  HA!
Pretending to be innocent & not care... it's a total ACT.  GOOD NIGHT, check out those shoes?!  They MAKE a size 14 bowling shoe!?!?  WOW.
What happens next is a total blur... details hazy, confusion setting in... but somehow defeat came wrapped in THIS package.
What... a DODE. 
Somehow, my so-called loving husband, whose last words to me were, "I am NOT going to 'give this game to you' -- I am WAYYYYY too competitive for that shit." busted 7 pins and then picked up the spare, just as I had done.  And then with total disrespect & neglect for my feelings (ha!), that cutthroat turd somehow managed to knock down ONE additional pin than me to BEAT ME BY ONE POINT.  I'm screamin' FOUL on this one.  Maybe he used a "dodo" ball (over the legal weight)?!  I'm pretty sure he cheated, but still... observe (& weep with me - ha!)...
SUCH bullshit.  OMG.  I had it locked up?!??!?!
It's all good... no love loss here.  OK, maybe just a little.  :)  Props to my Caaaaaaam, I GUESS. 
And FOR THE RECORD, I did score a PR (is that proper terminology?!) that night... oh yeahhhhhh.
Boo-yah!  106... my oh-so-crappy version of a "perfect game."  LOL
One more fun fact for you... check out my opening two frames of this fateful game -- on par to roll a deuce up in this mofo (200+!) .
I ROCK.  Oh yes.
I refuse to show you the last 8 frames, but I was KILLIN' IT those first two frames.  HA!
Date night destruction at its finest.
Peace out!

3 comments:

The Tellinghuisen Family said...

Hahaha I'm cracking up over that picture of Scott (the dode one!). Right before your defeat! Sheesh, you did get hosed! But what a close game - and your terminology, Gwen - I'm impressed!!!

DoRe' said...

Hahaha--you are killing me!!! LOVE *everything* about this post-you are an exceptional writer, Mrs. Hartley. :) Sending love from Washington!

Terry said...

I have told you before what a beautiful family you have. I have to tell you in the picture at the top of the page you really rock it, Gwen. Claire definately got your eyes.

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