Sunday, March 06, 2011

The Sprite Fight

And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!  12 rounds of boxing for the Ultra-Extreme Lightweight Championship of the World!!!   Welcome to The Dwarf Duel, The Mini Match, The Bitty Battle, The Tiny Tussle, The Elfin Encounter, The Wee War, The Bantam Brawl, The Dinky Dogfight, The Minute Melee, The Bitsy Bout ~ The Pint-Sized Battle of the Ages!

Introducing first:  fighting out of the red corner, standing 1-feet, 11.5-inches tall, & weighing in at 10.2 pounds.  She holds a professional boxing record of 20 wins and 2 losses, with 10 wins by knockout.  She is the current, reigning, and defending Dwarf Champion.  Fighting out of Benton, Kansas:  Lola..."Faw-Gop"...HARTLEYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
Sizing up & staring down the competition., Mrs. Pocket is DEFINITELY ready to "go the distance" tonight.
Your Defending Champion, showboatin' & sportin' the hardware pre-match.  This epic bout is sure to be a real "barnburner!"
Fighting out of the blue corner, standing 1-feet, 1-inch tall, & weighing in at 1.6 pounds.  She holds a professional boxing record of 18 wins and 1 loss, with 6 wins by knockout.  Fighting out of Kansas City, Missouri and representing The Benedictines of Mary, Queen of Apostles:  Fighting "Second To" NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!! 
Beware the "Heavenly Hands" of this Sister.  This "orthodox" (right-handed) brawler, known for her wicked straight right, is sure to keep Hartley on her heels (or maybe that's just the cerebral palsy... LOL) in this highly publicized & anticipated match for ALL the marbles!!!
Boxer's Handshake complete & now it's time to RUMBLE!!!!!!!  Both boxers passed the under-11-pound weigh-in, and an important note:  this match marks the FIRST weigh-in that Hartley ever weighed in HEAVIER than her opponent.  Whether or not that will work to her advantage or not, we will soon find out.

The match is underway, with Nun plotting her strategy carefully...playing into Lola's weaknesses, namely her rooting reflex.  If she can distract her with "the sucky-suck," she can then sneak attack with the...

...JAB TO THE BREADBASKET!  Classic move!!!!  Lola's "peek-a-boo" technique ~ hands protecting face ~ was DEFINITELY not the best choice here.  What a shame.  Nun totally "candy caned" Lola's ass with a strong left.  Ouch!  PROTECT YOUR BODY, DWARF!

Hartley, an unorthodox Southpaw, goes all "fisticuffs" (bare-knuckle) with the strong hook to the temple of Nun!!!  Nun appears to be patronizing Lola with her broad smile, but Polly Ann is onto her, smiling to herself as well, knowing she currently has the "upperhand."  Interesting strategy, too, wearing horizontal stripes, in order to hypnotize & disorient the Nun.  Definitely blurs the lines of where above & below the belt are, too.  Well played, Lola.  WELL PLAYED.

Nun is tactical, a regular inside fighter (up close & personal, yo), resulting in  Lola becoming slightly punch drunk.  One too many shots to the head will do that to a dwarf.  Dazed & confused, she presses on...

Nun perseveres with a stiff uppercut, though Lola delights in showing her that she feels no pain... observe her smug grin.  What's that I hear?  A Tommy Boy quote?  Why yes... Lola shouts, "If I would've wanted a kiss, I'd have asked your Mother!"  HOW...inappropriate.  LOL

KIDNEY PUNCH BY THE DWARF!!!!!!  *NOW* you've made her angry, Nun!  OH NO SHE DIDN'T just go all "rope-a-dope" on Nun!  HAHAHAHAHAHA!  What a body blow!

SUCKER PUNCHED!  Nun proves she is no journeyman... she's in it to win it.

What?  What is that I spy?  Ummm, did Nun bust out an illegal Rabbit Punch???  SURELY she didn't just aim for the back of her head or neck...  Never would've expected such a low blow from a member of the clergy.

INTERESTING triple combo by the Nun.  Faw-Gop is definitely on the ropes on this one.  Is she pullin' punches?  Lola, show yourself!!!

STICK & MOVE!  Yeahhhhhhhhh!  Check out that fancy footwork post-jab!  P4P (pound-for-pound), these two pugilists have got what it takes to take it to the next level.  No pitty-pat punches in this bout, nosireeeeeee!

RIGHT IN THE KISSER!  Such intensity...  Does Nun think Lola has a glass jaw?  And WHY is Polly Ann leading with her chin? 
Another tough uppercut... Nun is trying to get Polly Ann to kiss the canvas!  Is it time to bum rush the fight??? 

Nun makin' her move with a lefty power punch, though it's evident Lola has a chin & will not back down.

Interesting strategy on Lola's part... teasing & confusing Nun with a slobbery kiss to the glove.  Is she throwing in the towel???  Is she "taking a dive" (AKA purposely losing the fight)???  Maybe this is just her way of saying, "Suck it?!"  HA!

OOOOOHHHHHHH!  NUN WITH THE HAYMAKER!!!!  This Sunday Punch may be the end of Mrs. Pocket...

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10!  Lola = KTFO!  (get it?! :)

Celebrating with her Corner Man, Cal!

WE DID IT!!!!!!  KO!  By unanimous decision, we announce that Nun is...

ULTRA-EXTREME LIGHTWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!  (Sorry, Mrs. Pocket... you had your time to shine.)

(though it may appear so... that's just good photography!  LOL) 

A big thanks to Scott & Cal for assistance on this post!!!


helicopter Mum of 6 ♡ said...

omg! I remember these pics!!! LOVE Lola's hair hahahah! What... a hot mess of hair! LOVE IT! You crack me up lady!!!

helicopter Mum of 6 ♡ said...

Also - NICE background song! LOL

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

I wanna come spend an evening in your house. Your family cracks me up. :)

andie arballo said...

Ur too much!!

Anonymous said...

this post made a sucky day a whole lot less sucky!!!!! woohooo!!!!!!!

Unknown said...

OMG now I am sitting in a pool of pee thanks alot.

Anonymous said...

Just started following...boy am I going to feel it tomorrow staying up this late...I am going to sleep happy though after reading your blog. We are in Kansas, too. I know you aren't doing this blog for me but I feel the need to say Thank You, it is really great. You say the things I feel but haven't found the words. Plus, as a parent of special children the humor is so needed. ;)

Unknown said...

I just cracked a rib laughing! ROFLMAO!!!

Vickie said...

Oh my goodness! What a riot this was, I laughed so hard. Thank You for your creativeness! What a wonderful sense of humor you have.

lu said...

Well, Miss L certainly gave that nun a run for her money. I was on the edge of my seat. Oh, and I love me some LL Coolio..... you so did not want to see me over here trying to break it down. Oh, geesh.

Kathryne Foster said...

You kill me Gwen!! I love it!!

Dawn@Lighten Up! said...

HahahahaHAAAAA! You are whack, girl, I love it, I call for a rematch, so Lola can kick some nun ass!!

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