Friday, January 15, 2016

CODE YELLOW!

(NOTE:  Real Feta is considerably less red in the head/claw region than the chicken pictured above.
An impostor chicken was used for the "LOST!" poster, as real Bok was MIA.)

On the morning of January 8, I snapped the below photo of Cash & Lola. As I zoomed in closer to look at the picture, I gasped and chills spread throughout my body when I realized that our loyal compadre, Bok, was not in his trusty protector's hand. (For all you newbies, Bok -- also known as Feta -- is literally the ONLY thing in the whole wide world that Lola has ever voluntarily held onto, her rubbery roommate, her feathery-yet-non-feathery, feta-cheese-stankin' friend, her poultry partner-in-crime, her yellow yardbird, her chickeny chum. I could go on all. day. long!) Yes, it is common for Feta & Lola to "break up" or be "on a break" several times a day. She frequently drops him like a bad habit, and they live the single life for the rest of the day. Other times, he falls from her tight grasp and gets kicked under the couch. Not today, friends. Not today.

#CashandLola  ~  BFF's times infinity

Nope, today was a different story entirely. I checked all the usual locations for that little pecker, and he was nowhere to be found. He wasn't under either couch, either ottoman, the chair, Claire's beanbag, or on top of the ottoman. He wasn't on the kitchen counter drying with the g-tube extensions after a good cleaning/bath. He wasn't on the tray with all the remote controls and pens and essential oils (yep, I'm one of THOSE people!). I even pulled up all the couch cushions to check for his lifeless, little body, to no avail. What the cluck?!?! Where WAS he?!?!

At this point, I was beginning to assume Cash had come into play with our beloved Bok. I began to fear the worst. Was he residing within a certain someone's colon and/or in a dung pile in our back yard? If so, could he be saved? And if he were miraculously found & saved, could he still be Lola's sidekick if I boiled him, or would that be wrong?! I almost went outside to look, but then I opted against it. (Hey, why do all my posts somehow end up circling back around to discussing shit?! It's like the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon except in turd form. WTH!?!?) Instead, I decided to bust out a backup Bok. I know, I know. TOO SOON. I get it. I didn't want to believe he was gone either. But Lola seemed distressed, so I caved. I dug out my bag of alternate Fetas, removed the keychain ring (don't judge, it was the only 3" rubber chickens I could find on Amazon), and stuck that trickster in her hand.

Upon having Fake Feta placed in her hand as a substitute for her Bok OG, Lola immediately became wide-eyed and distressed. She stared wildly into the distance while hearkening back to the wise words of Lyndon B. Johnson, the 36th President of The United States of America  ~ “I may not know much, but I know chicken shit from chicken salad.”
That's my girl.


Shortly thereafter, as I sat on the couch racking my birdbrain trying to figure out where on earth Feta could be, I hatched an idea. I wasn't about to put all my eggs in one basket, but I had a pretty good idea of where he might be. I dashed into the laundry room, flung open the washer (which was full of clean, wet clothes, as usual), and I began removing piece-by-piece, shaking each one, hopeful that Bok might magnificently reappear. When I was almost to the bottom, I grabbed a blanket, gave it a good shake, and much to my surprise, Feta took flight (it was only a short flight though, as chickens are not capable of long distance flights)! He sailed majestically through the air, descended rapidly, and lodged himself precariously in the deep crevasse between the washing machine and our laundry cart. I could barely believe my eyes! FETA WAS FOUND!

Save yourself, Feta!  Don't fall deeper into the dark abyss!

At precisely that moment, Scott got home from work. The garage door opened, he walked in, and I yelled, "Bok's been lost! I couldn't find him anywhere & I looked EVERYWHERE! I finally figured out that he might have gotten wrapped up or hidden in a blanket & accidentally thrown in the washer with the dirty clothes & so I went to look & I shook out a blanket & he went airborne & somehow ended up almost plummeting to his death between the washer! Look where he landed! HE WENT THROUGH A WHOLE 57 MINUTE WASH LOAD! I am so glad he is found because fake Bok sucks!!!!!" To which Scott calmly replied, "We must save him." He quickly rushed out to the garage and returned with this...


Noooooo!!!!!



Soaring high above the Machine of Doom... with aforementioned Blanket from Hell in foreground

I've got ya', little fella...



They say that pale combs on top of chickens' heads indicate illness or disease... 

Stay with me, Bok!!!

Don't go to the light... NO!  Don't do it!!!!


TO BE CONTINUED...

Stay tuned for the gripping conclusion of Feta's rescue... Will he survive? Will he succumb to the light?

xo

27 comments:

Crystal Stephens said...

You guys are great...what fantastic sense of humor!

Chocolate Chicck said...

GASP!!! This is AWESOME!!!

mary forgatsch said...

Loved reading this. Love love love your sense of humor!!

mary forgatsch said...

Awesome story! Love love love your sense of humor!!!

Unknown said...

Oh my gosh. Such an awesome story. Can't wait for second half.

Suzi said...

I almost choked on my dinner!!! Lmao!

Buffy said...

Thoughts and prayers for a full and speedy recovery for Bok!!!

Roze Albina said...

You give me hope

The Donald said...

Get the cluck out! That was epic! Frankly, I am on the edge of my coop waiting for the conclusion. I need to know if the little hot wing can survive the rotisserie cleaner!

Jennifer said...

Awesome, I can't wait for the ending!!

Brenda Simpson said...

Have mercy, Im hanging on every word. My prayers go out to Bok. Please keep us updated on his condition. You guys are great. Maybe you could have a homing device put in Bok. Love from Brenda SC

Omaira Sanchez said...

OMG! Great story! LOVE IT! (-aka Benni Brat)

Peggy Ford said...

Omg. I died laughing reading this. The pic of Scott on top of the washer is E.P.I.C. You need to write a book. Seriously.

Unknown said...

You crack me up every time, girl!

M said...

You're an awesome writer! So fresh, so funny. Don't stop! ���� ~ Meaghan W

Stella said...

This is so funny!

I found your blog earlier today and I must say I am so amazed by your family! What an amazing, kind hearted, strong and sweet big brother Cal is, and what a handsome young man he has turned into! And Claire, isn't she one of the most gorgeous teens out there? Her hair is absolutely adorable and everything she proved in her life that she CAN do, even though the doctor thought something totally different, it's so impressive. And little Lola who's not even that little anymore, she's almost a big girl now! She's so cute with her little chicken and OMG is she and Cash the cutest couple ever?! Both of your dogs are so cute and seems so sweet to the girls. And to top everything off you and your husband seem to be wonderful parents, you must be raising such wonderful children!

I think I've become obsessed with this amazing, wonderful, strong and beautiful family.

Sarah Doodle said...

I stumbled on your blog: and you have blown me away your love humor and srength: in my religion we believe we select the families we are born into: i believe it: yiu and your sweet family are simply the best

Brunocerous said...

That was one of the greatest, funniest things I've read in a long time. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful moment.

GRoc said...

Bet Bok smells better than ever!

Maria said...

It's Feb 3rd.... what happened next ??!! (1st visit to your page. So great!)

Lindsay Stack said...

I came across your blog by reading about your family--I think it was an article about your interview, I am not 100% sure. I was on YAHOO's homepage and there you were with your beautiful family!!
I am going through your blog now-- I love it! It's so inspiring! I don't really have another word for it....
I love this one about Bok...you guys get the Parents of the Year...I mean century award!!! I love your sense of humor and your ability to live and LOVE! Thanks so much for sharing your story--I don't have kids of my own yet, but I hope to be half the mother you are to your son and those gorgeous girls! ♥♥♥

Elizabeth Leal said...

You guys are awesome! I often wonder why my life isn't perfect, and coming upon your blog in a yahoo article, and reading my friend's missionary letters has made me realize - I have to love MY life, not the life I am "supposed" to have. Thank you for your honesty, humor and outlook on life. I want to embrace the life I was given more fully now. God Bless. You do have a beautiful wonderful life and that is because you made it so!

Terene Batten said...

You guys Rock....Loving your humour and zest and passion and love...
All the way from Wellington, New Zealand. xx

Unknown said...

This was an awesome entry! I'm truly enjoying your blog and all of your family's adventures! -Christina, Bend, OR

Keith said...

Great. So glad you found him. Hope he survives.

Jessica B said...

This is hilarious, loved reading it.

Aaire Rowe said...

Precious girls, outstanding parents. Your faith, love, devotion, determination and love to your children provides the environment for them to thrive. May God bless your family.

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